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The mystery only deepened when her autopsy revealed she was a he, which set in motion an entire pronoun discussion.

While some insisted that explained a lot, others maintained it didn’t solve a damn thing, since we weren’t sure what pronoun to use in discussing her. Or him. Or could it be they?

In the end, our body, to help with the pronoun thing, wound up being said FBI’s most wanted villain. Our Billie Pickens (she) turned out to be William Pickler (he) who was wanted by every Federal employee in the great state of Texas for one of the nation’s greatest cases of fraud.

The Austex Scandal, in a teaspoon sized capsule, involved millions being scammed in some kind of Ponzi scheme, robbing thousands of their savings and retirement funds, many losing their homes as well.

One of the two named in the charges was our Billie Pickens, or William Pickler. Your choice, pick one.

Either way, she or he, got poleaxed, literally, which led to the identification of William E. Pickler, formerly known as Billie Pickens. 

Fingerprints don’t lie.

Thus, the FBI, and all the attendant media arrived for their short stay, to raise the caffeine consumption rate, their antenna’s and litter the beach.

Our small community was disappointed Fox Mulder and Dana Scully didn’t appear, since the whole pronoun thing seemed to us to be an X-File.

The Federal Investigation then revealed the new grocery clerk, Claire, was in reality Claudia, the former lover of William E. Pickler, and also the one who ended his/her time on earth.

Years ago, during the heyday of AusTex, she had purchased a ‘retirement’ home for them to share, hidden the purloined money there, and later found he was tearing the house apart to find the money and once again, abscond with the loot.

She picked up a handy shovel, introduced it to the back of his/her head and ended the discussion once and for all.